Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
