That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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