Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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