Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
