So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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