If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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