we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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