Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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