I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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