3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
