ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
