it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
