I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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