He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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