Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize