How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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