We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize