her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
