My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
