Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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