the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
