Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
