I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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