Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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