you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
