Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
