No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
