Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
