yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
