So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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