thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize