Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
