yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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