Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
