bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
