I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
