My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize