I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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