fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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