I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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