apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
