The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
