Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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