I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
