I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
