dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
