are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
