you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
