I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There are leaves in my underwear?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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