he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize