Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
