yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
