Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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