I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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