Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
