my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
