i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
