ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
