Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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