Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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