It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
