her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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