my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
