Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
