My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
