There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
