My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
