1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
