I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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