well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
