you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
